In which it is 1:34 AM

And I am not sleeping although my eyes are closing by themselves because my brain is preoccupied with the perennial question: why? Accompanied with how? And finally For what? These three questions have plagued me since I’ve been struck by ennui — which to say has been often enough. Every time I’m not running errands, or playing silly video games that only cater to my ego, I keep coming back to them in the last few weeks. And each time I get the creeping feeling of cowardice. Something tells me something else could have been done. But you know what they say “be a man and keep to your word.” So I am and I have. So you are and you have.
And besides, there is no changing the past. It’s so easy (and maybe I am resorting to believing) to resign to the fact that what happened must happen. But if there’s anything I learned in Philo class, the necessity of the past is only realized by its happening i.e. fate is merely a construct of our learned helplessness. I digress. The fact of the matter is I feel powerless despite the two hands I possess.
Maybe? Just maybe, things will work themselves out. Maybe we’ve come to the point where we are rubber bands, and the farther we pull away, the more inevitable our return. So get this: the reason why I’m so quiet and the reason why you’re so quiet is for the both of us to whiplash back to each other.
But it also scares me to know that when you stick a rubber band inside a freezer, like glass, it shatters. And the last few weeks, I’ve never felt so cold.
So there it is: we either return or we shatter. Which end snaps first? Or who picks up the pieces that are left? Or more importantly, are we given the decision in the first place?

Advertisements

One thought on “In which it is 1:34 AM

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s